A Gentle Guide to IVF

A simple, honest guide to the process and what it’s really like to go through it.

If you’ve been here for a while, you are probably familiar with our experience with IVF and pregnancy loss. And, if you’re new here, you can get caught up here! When I first started IVF, I really had no idea what to expect or what I was even getting myself into. Thankfully, the internet was an incredible resource, and I was able to learn a lot, but there were still so many parts of the process I didn’t fully understand until I was going through it myself.

That’s why I wanted to share a more in-depth look with all of you… covering my personal experience, the tools and resources that helped me most, what you can expect, and more. My hope is that this IVF guide will help simplify what can feel like an overwhelming process, ease some of the uncertainty, and answer questions you may have before starting your own journey.

What exactly is IVF?

IVF stands for in vitro fertilization. It’s a medical process that helps people get pregnant, when doing so naturally has been difficult or has not been possible. Simply put, instead of fertilization happening inside the body, it’s happening in a lab! Science truly is incredible. Doctors help the process along by retrieving eggs from the ovaries and combining them with sperm. If the fertilization happens and an embryo develops, that embryo is then placed into the uterus in hopes that it implants and results in pregnancy.

It can sound a bit clinical, but at its core, IVF is simply giving your eggs and sperm a little extra care in a safe, controlled environment before attempting pregnancy. While IVF is a common and often life-changing treatment, it’s important to acknowledge that it isn’t accessible to everyone, as it can be costly.

And with that, let’s break down some of the common terms and acronyms you’ll likely hear along the way, because having a better understanding of the language can make the entire process feel a little less overwhelming.

Your IVF Terminology Cheat Sheet

In this world, so many words and acronyms are used so freely, you’ll feel like you’re in a college chemistry lecture. To make things easier, I wanted to share a simple “cheat sheet” you can refer back to whenever your doctor mentions something unfamiliar, you come across a new term, or even while reading this article. If you’re already familiar, just skip ahead. 😊

• Blastocyst – Day 5 embryo, with the highest chance of implanting.

• Embryo – The fertilized egg growing in the lab.

• Follicle – A tiny sac in your ovary that holds an egg.

• Egg Retrieval – Procedure to collect your eggs for fertilization.

• Embryo Transfer – Placing the embryo into your uterus.

• Stims – Daily injections to help your ovaries grow multiple eggs for egg retrieval.

• Trigger Shot – Injection that helps eggs fully mature before retrieval.

• ICSI – Lab technique where one sperm is injected into an egg.

• PGT / Genetic Testing – Optional testing on embryos for chromosomal issues.

• Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) – Using a previously frozen embryo for transfer.

• Two-Week Wait (2WW) – Waiting period after transfer before testing for pregnancy.

• HCG / Beta Test – Blood test to see if your IVF worked.

• Ovarian Hyperstimulation (OHSS) – Extra swelling or bloating from the stims.

• Semen Analysis – Test to check sperm count and quality.

• HSG – X-ray to check tubes and uterus.

• 5DP5DT – 5 days after a 5-day embryo transfer, often used to track symptoms or testing.

The Step-by-Step Journey of an IVF Cycle

Now that we’ve covered what IVF is and gone over some of the common terms, let’s take a closer look at what a typical IVF cycle actually involves. Keep in mind that protocol can vary depending on your doctor, your body, and your specific situation. What I’m sharing here is based on my personal experience, along with the research I’ve done along the way.

Getting Started: Consultation

Typically, the process begins with researching clinics in your area, choosing a fertility specialist, and scheduling your initial consultation. At that first appointment, your doctor will work to get a full picture of your fertility. This usually includes bloodwork, ultrasounds to evaluate your ovaries and uterus, and (if you have a male partner) a semen analysis. The goal is to understand where things currently stand so they can create a personalized plan that works best for you.

It can feel like a lot of information all at once, as your doctor will likely begin walking you through the IVF process and outlining what the next steps might look like. Try to take it in at your own pace! This is your time to ask questions and build a clearer understanding of costs, medications, timelines, and anything else on your mind.

It’s also an important opportunity to assess whether the doctor and clinic feel like the right fit for you. This team will be supporting you throughout the entire journey, so feeling comfortable, heard, and confident in their care matters.

Pre-Stims Prep

As mentioned in the cheat sheet, “stims” are daily hormone injections that help your ovaries produce multiple eggs. This is key because having more eggs gives you more potential opportunities for fertilization and embryo development.

Before starting any injections, your clinic will first focus on preparing your body. There are a few different ways they may approach this. In some cases, they’ll align your stimulation cycle with your natural cycle by monitoring your hormones and ovaries around the time of your period. This helps everything sync with your body’s natural rhythm. Other times, you may be placed on a short course of birth control pills, which can feel a little ironic. They’re used to regulate your hormones and create a more predictable baseline so the stimulation medications can work more effectively.

During this prep phase, you’ll likely have a few additional monitoring appointments as well. This can include bloodwork, ultrasounds, uterine lining checks, and anything else your doctor needs to confirm that everything looks good before moving forward with stimulation. It may feel like a slow start, but this phase plays an important role in setting you up for a successful cycle ahead.

Stims Season

Next, it’s time to focus on growing multiple eggs in preparation for your egg retrieval. During this phase, you’ll take daily hormone injections (“stims”) that stimulate your ovaries to produce more eggs than they naturally would (ahh, now the name makes sense).

If you’re thinking, “there’s no way I can give myself a shot,” you are not alone. It sounds intimidating at first, but it often becomes much more manageable with time. And if self-injections feel like too much, a partner, friend, or family member can absolutely step in to help.

Throughout this phase, you’ll have frequent monitoring appointments, typically early morning visits for bloodwork and ultrasounds. These allow your doctor to track how your follicles are developing and make any necessary adjustments to your medication along the way. It’s also completely normal to experience some physical and emotional symptoms during this time. You might notice bloating, lower abdominal pressure, or mood swings (pretty similar to PMS) as your hormone levels rise.

This phase usually lasts anywhere from 8 to 14 days. Once your follicles reach the ideal size, your doctor will instruct you to take a “trigger shot,” which helps the eggs complete their final stage of maturation. From there, your egg retrieval is scheduled about 34 to 36 hours later - an exciting next step in the process!

Egg Retrieval Day

Now it’s time to collect the eggs from your ovaries. The egg retrieval is a short outpatient procedure that typically takes about 20 to 30 minutes. You’ll be under light anesthesia, so you won’t feel anything during the process. Your doctor will carefully retrieve the eggs using an ultrasound-guided needle (truly wild) from the follicles that developed during stimulation.

After the procedure, you’ll spend a little time in recovery as the anesthesia wears off. It’s common to experience some cramping, bloating, or soreness afterward, so be sure to prioritize rest and hydration. It’s likely that you’ll be able to go home the same day, but do yourself a favor, and don’t make any plans.

The number of eggs retrieved can vary widely from person to person. Some may have only a few, while others may have 20 or more. You’ll typically receive an update from your clinic on how many eggs were collected and how many are mature. The next step happens behind the scenes in the lab.

Embryo Lab Work

While you were recovering from your retrieval, your eggs were taken to the lab. This is where the magic happens! The embryology team will combine the eggs with the sperm to create embryos, monitoring them closely for the next several days as they grow and develop.

During this time, your clinic will keep you updated on how many eggs successfully fertilize and how your embryos are progressing. These updates can feel both exciting and nerve-wracking. In many cases, embryos are grown in the lab for up to five or six days until they reach what’s known as the blastocyst stage. A blastocyst is an embryo that has developed to the point where it has the highest implantation potential.

At this stage, some people choose to pursue optional genetic testing (often called PGT), which screens embryos for certain chromosomal abnormalities. We decided to do this, and it does cost extra per embryo tested. If you decide to go this route, the embryos are typically frozen while you wait for results. Once those results are in, you and your doctor can determine the best next steps based on your individual situation.

Transfer Day

It’s time to place the embryo in the uterus with optimism for pregnancy! Depending on your body and your treatment plan, this could either be a fresh transfer or a frozen embryo transfer. The fresh transfer happens a few days after retrieval, while the frozen transfer happens later, after the embryos have been frozen (for PGT testing, for example).

Even though this is such a meaningful milestone, the procedure itself is usually quick and straightforward. The transfer typically takes just a few minutes, is done without anesthesia, and for many people (myself included) is virtually painless.

The Two-Week Wait

I won’t sugarcoat it… this is 10000% the hardest part. This is the window between your embryo transfer and when you go in for your HCG (beta) bloodwork or take a pregnancy test… and somehow, time feels like it slows down.

If you’re anything like me (aka impatient), you might find yourself reaching for at-home pregnancy tests way earlier than planned (lol). It’s tempting, and honestly, normal. The anticipation is killing us! During this time, it’s also incredibly common to overanalyze every little thing your body is (or isn’t) doing. You might feel cramping, fatigue, or breast tenderness… or you might feel absolutely nothing at all. Both are completely normal, and neither is a reliable sign of whether or not the transfer worked.

As hard as it is, try to focus on rest and give yourself some positive distractions - anything that helps take your mind off the waiting game while your body does its thing. This part can feel endless, but you’re not alone in it!

Outcomes & Moving Forward

One of the most challenging parts of IVF is the uncertainty. There are so many possible outcomes, and unfortunately, no one can guarantee exactly how things will go. Some people find success on their first cycle, while others may need multiple cycles or adjustments to their treatment plan along the way, and both experiences are incredibly common.

If things don’t go the way you hoped, it doesn’t mean your journey is over. In many cases, your doctor will review your cycle with you and walk through what was learned, along with any changes that could be made moving forward. There are often still options and next steps to consider.

No matter what your results look like, IVF can take a real toll, both physically and emotionally. Give yourself permission to rest, to take breaks, and to process everything at your own pace. This is a big, deeply personal experience, and it’s more than okay to move through it in whatever way you need!

My Top FAQs

I’ve actually received these questions many times in my DMs or comments! I’ve tried my best to be as transparent as possible, but if you have any other questions, please feel free to ask in our Substack chat or in the comments

Q. How did you know it was time to pursue IVF?

A. It’s been 5 years since we started trying (more on that here). We truly felt like we had tried everything under the sun except for IVF. It was our only logical next step.

Q. What was your HSG experience like?

A. Guys… mine was not great. Not at all. I had a blocked tube, which made it unexpectedly extremely painful. The odds of this happening are not high, but personally, I am shocked we’re not offered anesthesia for this. Although I have heard some women are totally fine during it! (wish that was me lol)

Q. How much did IVF cost, and did insurance cover any of it?

A. I really wish our insurance had covered IVF, but in our case, it didn’t. We’ve spent around $27,000 so far, and that’s not including medications (probably another $5,000). This included two transfers.

I know this part can feel especially overwhelming, and everyone’s financial situation looks different. Costs can vary a lot depending on your clinic, location, and treatment plan. If you’re exploring IVF, it’s definitely worth asking your clinic about payment plans, financing options, or any programs they may offer to help make things more manageable.

Q. What side effects did you experience during stims, and how did you manage them?

A. Stims can be a wild ride, physically and emotionally. I experienced bloating, cramping, and some fatigue. My mood swings were real, too (sorry, Eddie). I often had to remind myself that my emotions were not “me,” but instead, the hormones doing their job. My advice? Remember that this phase is temporary, and give yourself a lot of grace while you’re in it. Do what you can to stay comfortable! Rock your coziest clothes, don’t hesitate to rest with a heating pad, and try to keep up with light movement like short daily walks if you’re able to. Staying hydrated and nourishing your body with good food can also make a noticeable difference.

Q. What helped during egg retrieval and recovery?

A. I’ve always been someone who feels more at ease knowing what to expect, so going into the retrieval feeling prepared made a big difference for me. Having a simple plan for the day helped take some of the stress off. I made sure I had someone I felt comfortable with to drive me home, wore loose, comfy clothes, and set up a cozy space to relax in afterward.

I also prepped a few essentials at home, like a heating pad, ice pack, and my favorite snacks, so I wouldn’t have to think about anything once I got back. It made the whole experience feel a lot smoother and more manageable.

Recovery is usually pretty quick, but I found it really helpful to listen to my body and take things slow for a couple of days. Give yourself that time to rest!

Q. What lifestyle changes did you make during IVF?

A. For the most part, I stuck to the way I usually eat, which is pretty balanced. I try to build my meals around protein, healthy fats, fiber, and a complex carb to help manage my insulin resistance. I also try to limit sugar (emphasis on try… I’m only human), and I cut back on alcohol as well. I don’t drink often to begin with, but during this time, I was more mindful and saved it for special occasions.

When it came to movement, I kept things low-impact and gentle: Pilates, walking, and light weightlifting. I also started taking a prenatal vitamin and made a more intentional effort to stay consistent with my supplements.

One new thing I tried was acupuncture. It was pretty relaxing and felt more like a meditative experience than anything else. If I’m being totally honest, I can’t say for sure whether it made a difference… but I did feel zen!

Q. How did you cope emotionally during the process?

A. The IVF experience really can be an emotional rollercoaster, and some days are easier than others. I found it really helpful to find little ways to stay positive… and distracted. That meant going on walks, finding a new hobby (enter needlepointing), watching a show, or reading a book. Really, anything to help take my mind off the waiting.

There were definitely moments where I experienced intrusive thoughts or feelings of jealousy, especially when seeing others get pregnant naturally. When that came up, I tried to meet myself with a little grace and compassion instead of guilt. Those feelings don’t make you a bad person… they make you human.

One of the biggest things that helped was talking about it. Opening up to my husband and close friends gave me a safe space to process everything I was feeling. You don’t have to carry it alone, and those close to you are ready to be there for you.

Q. How can partners, friends, or family support someone going through IVF?

A. One of the biggest things that helped me through IVF was letting people in. I know how it feels to want to try to handle it all on your own, but allowing your community in will make all the difference. I was so grateful for our friends who brought over dinner or picked up groceries for us to help take some weight off our shoulders.

When it comes to your partner, communication is everything!!! Be honest about what you need, even if it changes day to day. That might look like asking them to take over a few household tasks, help with injections, or simply sit with you while you process everything. Sometimes, just having someone there beside you is enough.

Everyone’s needs are different, and the people who love you want to be there for you… they just might need a little guidance on how best to do that.

Q. What happens with the leftover embryos?

A. If you have additional embryos after a transfer, they are typically frozen and stored for future use. Many people choose to keep them with the hope of growing their family later on (siblings!), while others take time to decide what feels right for them.

There’s no one “right” decision here, and it’s okay if it takes time to figure out what aligns best with your values and circumstances. Options can include keeping them stored, donating them to another family, donating them for research, or choosing to thaw and discard them. At the end of the day, it’s a very personal decision, and one that you’re allowed to approach at your own pace. We plan to keep any extras frozen for future kids (yay, more kiddos!)

Q. Where are you in the process, currently?

A. We have gone through two genetically tested embryo transfers. Our first transfer ended in an early loss, and our second ended in a chemical pregnancy. It’s been an emotional journey, and after those experiences, we decided to take a step back for a bit.

Giving ourselves that space to reset, regroup, and focus on some self-care has been really important. IVF can be incredibly draining, and taking a break has helped us feel more grounded and better prepared for what’s next.

The setbacks have been tough, but we’re doing our best to stay hopeful and remind ourselves that this is all part of our path toward building our family.

Products that Made the Process Easier

One thing I’ll say upfront, there are so many products out there claiming they’ll “make IVF easier”… and it can get overwhelming fast. Personally, I found that you really don’t need nearly as much as it may seem. That said, there were items that made a difference for me. Here are the ones I’d actually recommend:

• MyVitro IVF Support Kit - It comes with a storage box for all of your non-refrigerated medications, along with space for needles, syringes, alcohol wipes, and other essentials, so everything is in one place and easy to find. It also includes a travel case, which is especially helpful if you’re on the go but still need to stay on schedule with your injections. It does come with ice packs, as well, but I personally didn’t end up using them for long and found that doing the shots without them worked just fine.

• LMNT Electrolytes - These guys will be your best friend after retrieval. It is recommended that you prioritize your hydration & electrolytes to prevent OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome). I added these packets to my water and never had any issues with OHSS post retrieval!

• Heating Pad - You are going to want a heating pad to help alleviate cramps. And, a weighted one is even better! Just remember that you can’t use a heating pad after your embryo transfer.

• GasX - Just trust me on this one, LOL. Take some after your retrieval.

• Stool Softener - I didn’t say this list was going to be sexy!!! After your retrieval, your lower abdomen may feel pretty tender, and the anesthesia can slow things down digestion-wise. Even if you don’t think you’ll need them… you probably will.

• Tylenol - Tried and true and for good reason.

Other things that made a difference? A cozy spot on the couch and plenty of cuddles with your favorite person. Sorry, no links for that one!

Other Helpful Resources

If you’re looking to learn more or just want extra support along the way, these are a few resources I found helpful:

Books:

• It Starts with the Egg by Rebecca Fett - Practical tips on improving egg quality.

• Inconceivable: A Woman’s Triumph over Despair and Statistics by Julia Indichova - A memoir of hope for the thousands of women struggling with infertility.

• The IVF Dad: What I Learned on My Infertility Journey… and How It Can Help You - A great perspective for partners and how they can show up as a strong support system during the process.

Websites:

• Resolve.org - Offers support groups, educational resources, and helpful FAQs for those navigating fertility treatments.

• FertilityIQ - Provides in-depth guides and video courses that break down IVF and other fertility treatments in a really approachable way.

Community Support:

• Facebook IVF Support Groups - There are so many active groups where people share their experiences, ask questions, and support one another in real time. I joined this one and this one.

Alright, if you’ve made it this far… thanks for being here. I hope this guide helped make things feel a little clearer and less overwhelming. IVF is emotional, physical, unpredictable, and deeply personal. There’s no “perfect” way to go through it, and no two journeys look the same. Give yourself permission to feel it all, take breaks when you need to, and move at your own pace.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you are stronger than you think and you don’t have to do this alone. Lean on your people, ask questions, advocate for yourself, and take it one step at a time. And if you have any other questions for me, ask me in the comments! I’m here cheering you on!!!